I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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