i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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