Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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