come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
