What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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