oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she peed on how many people?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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