Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
