We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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