i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
