wakey wakey hands off snakey
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
