I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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