Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
