just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
