1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
