My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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