Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize