shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
