Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
