We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
