You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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