My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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