i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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