I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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