making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
