I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize