yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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