Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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