a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize