Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
