I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Acid is not a monday night drug
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
