Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
