the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
