I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
