she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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