do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
