somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
