He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
