I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
