i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i've created a new STD.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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