Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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