Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
