Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
