Tell her she can't have a vagina
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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