my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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