Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
