the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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