The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize