Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's the barista slut.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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