i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I need to stop coming to work sober
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
