And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
