i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is my gift to your gina
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize