Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
