We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
