My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
