sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
In America we eat man semen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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