Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
