You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
