Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
