youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
