I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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