I wish i was in the wii world.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
