I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
