i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
