Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
false alarm, still single
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize