Whoa Z and x make the same sound
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
