Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
