hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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