Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
