and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
