i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
