How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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