Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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