I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
