Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize