You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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