I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
