did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
