I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
