It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
