I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
