So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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