So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
