apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
