yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
