You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
