That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
