How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
