I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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