Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
