I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
