she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
