Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
