I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
