There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
