First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize