I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he shaved USA in his pubs
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
