No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
