I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
