There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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