I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there was a trapeze. enough said
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize