i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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