Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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