there's paper in my vomit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
